I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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