I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
