this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
