I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
