Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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