How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
