If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
