a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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