What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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