He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
