video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
