I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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