Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
