I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
