Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
