Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
