YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
