Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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