i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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