he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
