Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
