grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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