Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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