I haven't been this sober since birth.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
