I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
