don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
