May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
