i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
