I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
