i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
