last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
