He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
