If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
