There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
