I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
