Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
