did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
