I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it was like eating out sand paper
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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