i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
