And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
