Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
