we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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