she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
