At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You need Xanax blowdarts
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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