just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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