Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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