he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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