so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
