Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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