p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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