we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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